Insecure Boy

I have been plagued most of my life by insecurities that have at times been crippling and barely manageable.

From my early years where religion was an overpowering influence on my life I have struggled to come to terms with who I am. I have tended to find the negative in most aspects of my life but with age I feel I am learning to be more accepting of myself. I am beginning to look more positively to the future and appreciate what each day brings.

This is somewhat of a deepish post but I am acutely aware of time passing me by and the need to not waste my time on the trivial and unimportant.

I am grateful for my loved ones and the wonderful experiences and opportunities I have had.

I have been fortunate to have a healthy life and have enjoyed the successes that sport has brought me.

I am thankful to have been brought up with music that has stayed with me all my life. I have been thrilled to have discovered in me an ability to share my world with others in poetry and song.

Below is a poem that I wrote 10 years ago that tells of my struggles in the past. I am happy that these thoughts are becoming more distant and rare as I move towards a positive future.

Insecure Boy

Brought up with true values...filtrating the mind

Guided by righteous...the holy sublime

We are the chosen for leading mankind

In ways of true knowledge...the needy to find

Chorus

Insecure boy...wanting to please

Morally driven...time on your knees

Destined for greatness...truly faithful

Dedicated...obstinate...cemented in will

Semblance of order directs and protects

No nonsense approach...what pathways are next

Plans are proceeding by powers above

Infinite wisdom...abounding in love

Chorus

The mighty have fallen...the meek to grow strong

As body and soul healed from all wrong

A channel that's empty is filled to the brim

Come one and all...you listen to him

Chorus

The oak tree's now cut down...forests laid low

Though new shoots are sprouting...beginning to grow

The once solid timber built up years back

The blows of the axe so sharply did crack

Chorus

Busy times around here

It is a busy time for me at the moment.

After a long time at home I'm back at looking at my possible job opportunities.  Now, don't get me wrong, it has been great being there for the kids during the day, and certainly during the time we had to get through Bianca's illness where my life were dictated by a hospital and medicine schedule, it was the right thing for me to stay at home. But let's be honest, doing dishes and laundry - it isn't exactly the most exciting thing to do all of the time and I have really missed being at work. 

I think I missed the excitement of being part of different projects at work and then looking at the end result with a great sense of satisfaction.  In a way that's why I ended up getting involved with so many different things like Funrazor that I put together last year or the hospital visit.  Okay it wasn't just for the sake of satisfaction, but it was also neat being able to give something back and help make a difference.

So now I'm back at looking at job opportunities and I've been going to the city for a number of different interviews with agents to register my skills with them, do some testing and hopefully they'll find me something cool really soon. 

This morning's interview went great and as with the others I took the train to the city.  It was only 1 interview today and I felt really positive afterwards.  Getting back, I had about an hour spare before needing to pick up the kids from school and so I made my way to where the car was parked, dumped stuff onto the roof as I needed to look for the car keys somewhere in my handbag (as you all probably know a women's handbag usually contains everything and more just for in case), finally located the keys, dumped stuff on the front passenger seat and drove off... only to find about 10 meters away that I had left my folder with all my documents on the roof and it came flying off.  Thankfully I noticed it and could turn around. 

Kind of reminded me of the time I worked at this one company and for some reason I was outside doing something with a pair of scissors and for some reason put the scissors on the roof as I finished what I was doing.  Later on I had to go off to one of the shops to buy stationery and when I arrived noticed the pair of scissors still on the roof.  How it didn't come flying off I will never know. 

Has something like this happened to you before?

Sunday Saunter

A lot has happened in recent times and Lea and I have decided to share this blog!


After a slow start to the day and having missed my morning cycle, Lea, Bianca, Caitlyn and I got out for a leisurely walk.

Caitlyn was very excited on the way

 The course we chose was a 3 km circuit at Whareroa Farm!

The walk involved some good uphills and gentle rolling terrain!

The girls did really well and there were some excellent racing opportunities.

There was also time for fun swinging on a loose vine that was discovered by the girls.

During the walk there were some fantastic views!

Approaching the top of the course I felt the urge to let off some steam.

Everyone felt a need for some sustenance.

After a quick bite to eat the girls raced down the hill and Caitlyn lead the way back.

A most pleasant outing on a lovely sunny winter's day that was topped off by a delicious ice cream from the Lindale Candy Store.

Looking forward to more regular posts and keeping better contact with our fellow bloggers.  What did you get up to today?

Back in to it

Having had a two week break that ended up quite a traumatic time for me I am now feeling in a better frame of mind. In fact I'm actually quite glad to be back at school.

This week will be busy as we have teacher / parent interviews for the next 2 evenings after school. I actually enjoy these meetings as usually I am able to give really positive feedback on the progress of the children. I know I have effective teaching strategies that inspires the children I teach and motivates them to learn. It is wonderful to see how they respond to the challenges and it is satisfying to see the resulting success.

Here is a song I wrote for my current school that I have taught at for the last 17 years. The song is Waikanae School and has some reference to some geographical features of the area and reflections on what it is like at our school.

Hope you like the video!

Frantic Friday

Spent the morning at school preparing for next term which starts Monday. Yes teachers do have it good with their holidays but invariably I find I need to spend several days in the holidays tidying up from the previous term and organising for the next!

I needed to do some assessments in preparation for parent interviews next week. This took about 6 hours and I tried to fit in a short run. Haven't had a lot of energy lately and my calf is a bit niggly. My race tomorrow may not happen for me unless it shows some improvement tomorrow.

It is a real difficult decision to make. There are in affect 2 club trophies and individual medals up for grabs and I don't like passing them up. If I race however there is a very real chance that my calf could get worse and I tend to not pull out during a race as I am a stubborn creature. However I could risk it!

Will post tomorrow what my decision was!

Seasons Full Circle

Have started a new chapter in my life and decided it was important to create a new blog that reflects and tells of those changes.

I'm looking forward to sharing more songs and stories as I continue to grow. I am excited to see what the future brings. I hope to be able to continue to achieve in my sporting endeavours and relate those accomplishments in photos and results.

Here is my song Seasons Full Circle recorded last year that tells of the changes we go through as the seasons change.

A new start

After a bit of a distracting time recently, I have decided it was time for a fresh start with my blog and created this new space to share my stories, thoughts and music with you. 

It has been a busy day so little time for much of a run and a slightly niggly calf, decided to have a short run up the bush on my hemi course. Quite pleased with how I felt as I managed to get up the hill without too much suffering and cruised back down again, but sadly the calf didn't allow me to do quite as much as I would have liked.

I'm hoping to compete in the Wellington Cross Country Championships on Saturday so thought it was prudent to limit how much I did with the niggly calf.

Look forward to being back following all your stories.  I am still making some changes with this blog, but am excited to be back blogging after a few days off.