Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Insecure Boy

I have been plagued most of my life by insecurities that have at times been crippling and barely manageable.

From my early years where religion was an overpowering influence on my life I have struggled to come to terms with who I am. I have tended to find the negative in most aspects of my life but with age I feel I am learning to be more accepting of myself. I am beginning to look more positively to the future and appreciate what each day brings.

This is somewhat of a deepish post but I am acutely aware of time passing me by and the need to not waste my time on the trivial and unimportant.

I am grateful for my loved ones and the wonderful experiences and opportunities I have had.

I have been fortunate to have a healthy life and have enjoyed the successes that sport has brought me.

I am thankful to have been brought up with music that has stayed with me all my life. I have been thrilled to have discovered in me an ability to share my world with others in poetry and song.

Below is a poem that I wrote 10 years ago that tells of my struggles in the past. I am happy that these thoughts are becoming more distant and rare as I move towards a positive future.

Insecure Boy

Brought up with true values...filtrating the mind
Guided by righteous...the holy sublime
We are the chosen for leading mankind
In ways of true knowledge...the needy to find

Insecure boy...wanting to please
Morally driven...time on your knees
Destined for greatness...truly faithful
Dedicated...obstinate...cemented in will

Semblance of order directs and protects
No nonsense approach...what pathways are next
Plans are proceeding by powers above
Infinite wisdom...abounding in love


The mighty have fallen...the meek to grow strong
As body and soul healed from all wrong
A channel that's empty is filled to the brim
Come one and listen to him


The oak tree's now cut down...forests laid low
Though new shoots are sprouting...beginning to grow
The once solid timber built up years back
The blows of the axe so sharply did crack



  1. Paul,
    You write very openly and movingly of your struggles in life. Maybe this is one reason that you have moved on from that, do you think?
    Remember the song "Drift Away"?
    Keep writing, your words...your music.

    "Give me the beat, boy, that frees my soul"

  2. With so much to be grateful for I feel your future will be a smooth one. Try not to dwell on past issues, think ahead to beautiful things and enjoy the many years which have yet to be met. I am reminded of the song 'Count your blessings while you may.' Loved the poem, Paul. You have such a talent, much of it still unheard methinks.

  3. I know where you are coming from Paul when you say you are trying to think more positively as time goes by.
    This is a lovely well written post.

  4. PS I thought I was following you only to discover I'm not. I've fixed that now though :))

  5. If I dwelt on the past I'd be bitter and hateful for things done wrongly to me and the cruelties I received due to the times I grew up in where illegitimate children were shunned. I'm so glad times are changing and so have I. Embrace each new day with a song in your mind and in your heart and thankfulness will fill your being. In Loving Friendship always!